my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
