i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
mondays should just be called national damage control day
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
