I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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