I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
