I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
