Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize