I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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