Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
