6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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