Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
