real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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