Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
