When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
