Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
