Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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