I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize