my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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