Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
