Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
he just fucked me for my cheese..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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