I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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