He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
