I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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