I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize