In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
