If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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