I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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