but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize