remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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