i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
