using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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