I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
