make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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