ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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