I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
