We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
