You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
