So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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