Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
