I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
