you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize