just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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