My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
