Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
