2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She's the barista slut.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
