I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
