sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
PANTIES FOUND
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