you would pick up someone in the library
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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