youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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