just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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