belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
