No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
