Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
