You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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