just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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