grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
