adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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