he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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