I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
