there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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