we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
