If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
