omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
