sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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