Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
