You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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