just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
whose parrot is this?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
