I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
