Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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