Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
