I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
