Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
