i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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