Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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