my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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