I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
