Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
