Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
