You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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