I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
