do herpes really smell.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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