so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
