Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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