i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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