you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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