I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I cut my penus on the lid.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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