I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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