I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
